you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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