I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
