Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
