First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
