hotel room ftw
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
