i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
