if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Fuck appropriateness.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
