My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
