I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
