bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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