I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
FUCK WHALES
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