he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
