Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
