my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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