we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So vagazzling was a success
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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