she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Randomize
