At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize