I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
