What a fucking waste of an outfit
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
