As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
