does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
