Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
