allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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