idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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