When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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