just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
