My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize