dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
