THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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