Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
