yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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