If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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