You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
