Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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