Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
