If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
