I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
