The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
