Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
