I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Enjoy the penises
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
