If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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