Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
