Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize