her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize