Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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