The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
