the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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