if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
