Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I forget how to act sober
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