But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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