I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
