We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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