My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
ttyl tear gas
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
