I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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