so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
we're so committed to being not committed
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
