goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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