Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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