i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
