I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
