my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
