What a fucking waste of an outfit
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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