my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
