you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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