just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
