I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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