so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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