bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
