I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
