A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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